Letting go...

Phew.

nearly 48 hours ago, I read an email from my brother in law who is a traveling evangelist. He was offering an invitation to my oldest son to join his traveling ministry, leading worship, and, I assume, doing some daily grunt work with the rest of the over-the-road team. It would be an expenses-paid internship, Christian would receive college credit through the Bible college that my b-i-l is heading up in Florida. He would be surrounded by people whose life goal is to serve God and spread the truth of Jesus Christ. What more could a mother want?

I'll tell you.

MORE. TIME. I know people often say this when they lose a loved one, and I haven't *lost* anyone. I should be rejoicing for such a God-ordained opportunity for my incredibly talented and God-fearing son....but what keeps running through my mind? "There wasn't enough time. I wasn't ready". Thankfully, I do have at least 3 more months until he would board a plane and head toward a new, fabulous adventure. He'll have awesome opportunities to meet people and see places a lot of teens only dream of. This boy TOTALLY deserves this. I couldn't be happier. I also couldn't be sadder! I keep telling myself  "I am not sad, just emotional", and this is the truth. I am just mourning this feeling of loss, and the accompanying guilt that every mother must have. "Did I teach him enough? Can he change the oil in his car? Will he remember to take vitamins? Does he know what to put on a burn? Does he know how long leftovers can remain in the fridge before they should no longer be eaten?..."

And, to be very transparent, "Will he miss me like I know I will miss him?"
Not that it matters. This is *supposed* to happen. He is supposed to leave, go off and be independent, discover what God has for him "out there". And, I as his mother am supposed to rejoice. This child has an enviable relationship with the Lord. He heard the news of this opportunity yesterday, smirked in his quirky way, asked "When would I go?", then went directly to his room to play his guitar and sing praise and worship songs at the top of his lungs. That made me cry MORE! I am so incredibly grateful. God has blessed him incredibly, and he is humbly thankful. It is so refreshing. It is so moving. Today, it feels so....huge. We've been praying for the "right doors to open" for Christian...we considered a few college options, he and I have discussed them a couple of times, he was not at all crazy about the one I deemed "safe" - the one that would offer him a fairly "promising" future. So, we wondered, waited, trusted....then this. This is more provision than I ever imagined - not only financially, but opportunistically. So, while searching for a Godly book that offers support to grieving mothers saying good-bye to their adult children in a *healthy* way, I decided that God's word was the best answer, and I am striving to meditate on these things & pray them over my suddenly-all-grown-up son...



Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Psalm 91:11
For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways.
I Peter 5:7
casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you.

Thank God He cares more for my sweet boy than I ever could. I know Christian will be safe, and blessed, and God will give me the strength to continue to pour love into my children who remain in my home. Thank God for the day I see that giant boy's smiling face grace my doorway again!
Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

Psalm 34:7
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.