Phew.
nearly 48 hours ago, I read an email from my brother in law who is a traveling evangelist. He was offering an invitation to my oldest son to join his traveling ministry, leading worship, and, I assume, doing some daily grunt work with the rest of the over-the-road team. It would be an expenses-paid internship, Christian would receive college credit through the Bible college that my b-i-l is heading up in Florida. He would be surrounded by people whose life goal is to serve God and spread the truth of Jesus Christ. What more could a mother want?
I'll tell you.
MORE. TIME. I know people often say this when they lose a loved one, and I haven't *lost* anyone. I should be rejoicing for such a God-ordained opportunity for my incredibly talented and God-fearing son....but what keeps running through my mind? "There wasn't enough time. I wasn't ready". Thankfully, I do have at least 3 more months until he would board a plane and head toward a new, fabulous adventure. He'll have awesome opportunities to meet people and see places a lot of teens only dream of. This boy TOTALLY deserves this. I couldn't be happier. I also couldn't be sadder! I keep telling myself "I am not sad, just emotional", and this is the truth. I am just mourning this feeling of loss, and the accompanying guilt that every mother must have. "Did I teach him enough? Can he change the oil in his car? Will he remember to take vitamins? Does he know what to put on a burn? Does he know how long leftovers can remain in the fridge before they should no longer be eaten?..."
And, to be very transparent, "Will he miss me like I know I will miss him?"
Not that it matters. This is *supposed* to happen. He is supposed to leave, go off and be independent, discover what God has for him "out there". And, I as his mother am supposed to rejoice. This child has an enviable relationship with the Lord. He heard the news of this opportunity yesterday, smirked in his quirky way, asked "When would I go?", then went directly to his room to play his guitar and sing praise and worship songs at the top of his lungs. That made me cry MORE! I am so incredibly grateful. God has blessed him incredibly, and he is humbly thankful. It is so refreshing. It is so moving. Today, it feels so....huge. We've been praying for the "right doors to open" for Christian...we considered a few college options, he and I have discussed them a couple of times, he was not at all crazy about the one I deemed "safe" - the one that would offer him a fairly "promising" future. So, we wondered, waited, trusted....then this. This is more provision than I ever imagined - not only financially, but opportunistically. So, while searching for a Godly book that offers support to grieving mothers saying good-bye to their adult children in a *healthy* way, I decided that God's word was the best answer, and I am striving to meditate on these things & pray them over my suddenly-all-grown-up son...
Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
Psalm 91:11
For He will give His angels charge concerning you, To guard you in all your ways.
I Peter 5:7
casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you.
Thank God He cares more for my sweet boy than I ever could. I know Christian will be safe, and blessed, and God will give me the strength to continue to pour love into my children who remain in my home. Thank God for the day I see that giant boy's smiling face grace my doorway again!
Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Psalm 34:7
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
answered questions...
It has been interesting - watching people's reaction when they hear we are adopting. I may have pictures up here soon, so you can relate to my family when I blog about them, but for now, you can just imagine :-)
We have 5 natural children. Christian (18), Gabe (nearly 17), Luke (15), Victoria (13), and Emmanuelle (9). Most of our friends have been very excited for us, I think this is largely due to the fact that we have taught a number of parenting classes at our church, and those close to us know that we are managing to raise fairly responsible and respectable young adults. (Actually, they are amazing, fabulous, kids with phenomenal reputations, but I don't want to sound too proud!) there are others, though, who look at us a little cross-eyed...so, I hope to help readers understand what people are THINKING, adding MORE kids to their home!
Q: Why do you want more kids?
A: Because we ADORE the ones we've got, who wouldn't want more of an awesome, amazing thing?
Q: how will you afford another person, when you have often struggled financially?
A: honestly, we never afforded any of them. God provides what all of them need, all the time. yes, we work to bring in money, and a slow economy hit us very hard in the field of fancy carpentry work, but God has always been faithful. there is no logic when you are being obedient, and we clearly feel like this particular baby is something God is handing in our direction, asking "are you willing?" If we relied on our own strength to make this "work" - none of it ever would. I would be a nervous wreck, my husband would be in an institution somewhere, and our family would have no testimony. What would be the point of life then? "What has God done for you?": "Oh, not much, I pretty much do it all myself". wooHOO? That will not likely draw people to a loving, caring, miraculous Savior!
Q: do you REALIZE the gap(!) there will be between your kids now and the new baby?
A: YES! It freaks me out, bc I don't want to raise a little piece of royalty, which is almost inevitable when 7 other people think you are so "CUTE"! So, God & I are discussing that one now - and He knows my heart. Yes, I'd like to add another, and all of these questions & answers will apply then, too!
Q: Won't the act of adding a newborn to the lives of your teenagers be very difficult?
A: Probably, BUT - who wouldn't want to marry a sweet young man that is comfortable around babies, and knows they really aren't so scary? When Ben and I were married, and had baby #1 eleven months after our wedding day, they cradled an adorable little blonde boy wrapped in a blanket like a hot dog, and said "Here, Daddy". His eyes grew wide and he was SCARED.TO.DEATH. it only took seconds for him to be in love, but the fear remained for YEARS! Babies were foreign to him, and it breaks my heart still. School make sure we learn all about the Gettysburg address and how to add fractions, but to be comfortable around spit-up, poopy diapers, or a crying wife & baby? well, you're on your own there. I don't want that for my sons. NO, I can't keep adding babies forever to remedy that problem, BUT, before long, there will be grandchildren, which means nieces & nephews, and those little aunts/uncles will get their baby exposure then.
Q; Are you really "ready" for all the trouble a baby brings? (it will be 10 years when Bibi arrives.) Sleepless nights, stinky diapers, crying, baby paraphernalia *everywhere*...
A: YES!! All of that discomfort and inconvenience is totally worth it to pour into the life of someone so precious, and raise them to serve & honor God.
Q: what will y ou name the baby?
A: I prefer Axel for a boy, and, I think, Scarlett for a girl. Axel, a Danish name, is in Ben's family tree, and means "Father of peace", If there was ever a time we needed peace brought into our home, it will be with this new addition! Scarlett, of course, means red - but it has deeper significance to me. When Emmanuelle was born a 27-week preemie, there was a tremendous amount of fear surrounding the whole event, which caused us to decide on a sterilization procedure. I knew in my heart it was not the right thing to do, but fear superseded hearing from God that day, and the permanent damage was done. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I knew it was for us, and my husband agrees. I always felt God was saying "you aren't done yet", so I've waited. Back to the name - Scarlett, and its meaning, "red" - everything in the Bible regarding covenants has to do with blood, and the color red, and more specifically, the story regarding the overtaking of Jericho and the scarlet thread that signified that family that would receive (Godly) protection. because of that promise I felt God made to use, that there would me be more children in the future, this precious baby seems to signify that, I and I want to honor God by making a statement about what He has done. Our other name considerations? Magnus for a boy, and Mercedes or Dahlia for a girl.
Q: So, WHY another baby?
A: Because, in the words of a dear, adoptive mother friend of mine, "Your kids are the only thing you take to heaven with you."
We have 5 natural children. Christian (18), Gabe (nearly 17), Luke (15), Victoria (13), and Emmanuelle (9). Most of our friends have been very excited for us, I think this is largely due to the fact that we have taught a number of parenting classes at our church, and those close to us know that we are managing to raise fairly responsible and respectable young adults. (Actually, they are amazing, fabulous, kids with phenomenal reputations, but I don't want to sound too proud!) there are others, though, who look at us a little cross-eyed...so, I hope to help readers understand what people are THINKING, adding MORE kids to their home!
Q: Why do you want more kids?
A: Because we ADORE the ones we've got, who wouldn't want more of an awesome, amazing thing?
Q: how will you afford another person, when you have often struggled financially?
A: honestly, we never afforded any of them. God provides what all of them need, all the time. yes, we work to bring in money, and a slow economy hit us very hard in the field of fancy carpentry work, but God has always been faithful. there is no logic when you are being obedient, and we clearly feel like this particular baby is something God is handing in our direction, asking "are you willing?" If we relied on our own strength to make this "work" - none of it ever would. I would be a nervous wreck, my husband would be in an institution somewhere, and our family would have no testimony. What would be the point of life then? "What has God done for you?": "Oh, not much, I pretty much do it all myself". wooHOO? That will not likely draw people to a loving, caring, miraculous Savior!
Q: do you REALIZE the gap(!) there will be between your kids now and the new baby?
A: YES! It freaks me out, bc I don't want to raise a little piece of royalty, which is almost inevitable when 7 other people think you are so "CUTE"! So, God & I are discussing that one now - and He knows my heart. Yes, I'd like to add another, and all of these questions & answers will apply then, too!
Q: Won't the act of adding a newborn to the lives of your teenagers be very difficult?
A: Probably, BUT - who wouldn't want to marry a sweet young man that is comfortable around babies, and knows they really aren't so scary? When Ben and I were married, and had baby #1 eleven months after our wedding day, they cradled an adorable little blonde boy wrapped in a blanket like a hot dog, and said "Here, Daddy". His eyes grew wide and he was SCARED.TO.DEATH. it only took seconds for him to be in love, but the fear remained for YEARS! Babies were foreign to him, and it breaks my heart still. School make sure we learn all about the Gettysburg address and how to add fractions, but to be comfortable around spit-up, poopy diapers, or a crying wife & baby? well, you're on your own there. I don't want that for my sons. NO, I can't keep adding babies forever to remedy that problem, BUT, before long, there will be grandchildren, which means nieces & nephews, and those little aunts/uncles will get their baby exposure then.
Q; Are you really "ready" for all the trouble a baby brings? (it will be 10 years when Bibi arrives.) Sleepless nights, stinky diapers, crying, baby paraphernalia *everywhere*...
A: YES!! All of that discomfort and inconvenience is totally worth it to pour into the life of someone so precious, and raise them to serve & honor God.
Q: what will y ou name the baby?
A: I prefer Axel for a boy, and, I think, Scarlett for a girl. Axel, a Danish name, is in Ben's family tree, and means "Father of peace", If there was ever a time we needed peace brought into our home, it will be with this new addition! Scarlett, of course, means red - but it has deeper significance to me. When Emmanuelle was born a 27-week preemie, there was a tremendous amount of fear surrounding the whole event, which caused us to decide on a sterilization procedure. I knew in my heart it was not the right thing to do, but fear superseded hearing from God that day, and the permanent damage was done. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but I knew it was for us, and my husband agrees. I always felt God was saying "you aren't done yet", so I've waited. Back to the name - Scarlett, and its meaning, "red" - everything in the Bible regarding covenants has to do with blood, and the color red, and more specifically, the story regarding the overtaking of Jericho and the scarlet thread that signified that family that would receive (Godly) protection. because of that promise I felt God made to use, that there would me be more children in the future, this precious baby seems to signify that, I and I want to honor God by making a statement about what He has done. Our other name considerations? Magnus for a boy, and Mercedes or Dahlia for a girl.
Q: So, WHY another baby?
A: Because, in the words of a dear, adoptive mother friend of mine, "Your kids are the only thing you take to heaven with you."
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